Flick Flak: Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Director: Rob Marshall
Starring: Johnny Depp, Penelope Cruz, Geoffrey Rush, Ian McShane
12A, 136mins
The Pirates of the Caribbean ship struggles on, taking on water and getting increasingly lost in the storms of bafflingly nonsensical plots. Even Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly have abandoned ship, but in moves that must be largely motivated by money, Penelope Cruz and Ian McShane have snuck aboard.
Before I enjoy myself laying into the bad points of this film, I’ll dwell on its few enjoyable qualities. Every now and then Johnny Depp is able to ring some entertainment out of the tired character that is Jack Sparrow. He is a great actor capable of very funny delivery and on the odd occasion in On Stranger Tides he reminds us why he was such a whirlwind of entertainment four films ago.
The early scenes in London, particularly the escape from the palace, are decent enough, though there is nothing original on show. Ian McShane is a great bit of casting as Blackbeard, the pirate all pirates fear, however seeing him just reminded me how much scarier he is in Deadwood. Geoffrey Rush, having taken the country by storm in The King’s Speech, is one of the best things about POTC4, enjoying a larger role than previously and hamming it up nicely. Right, I think that takes care of the good stuff…
One of the main things to irritate me about this film was the stunning lack of originality. Early on Sparrow fights Penelope Cruz’s character in a dingy room, in a fight which then moves up into the rafters of the building. A fight so similar to one in the Curse of the Black Pearl that they could have slipped in some shots of Sparrow fighting Orlando Bloom and we wouldn’t have been too surprised. I was expecting this film to be more of the same in terms of comedy swordfights followed by a bit of swashbuckling at sea, but I was not expecting to see the same swordfight churned out again.
This time around the writing process of ‘throw as much nonsense at the screen and see how much sticks’ was reined in a bit, in that we had an easy-to-follow quest plot. However, it pains me that back in the original film we had a story about pirates, with a bit of spooky supernatural stuff explained by a curse, which we were willing to run with. However the series has now become baffling and unexplainable supernatural gubbins with a bit of pirates on the side. Okay, so we can take the Fountain of Youth at face value even though it’s never explained what it is. I can accept that there are mermaids (despite the fact that surely somebody might have mentioned that mermaids exist in three previous films) and apparently suffer mood swings from tempting and sensual to psychotic killers - seriously, they’re either wild animals without morals or basically humans with tails, you can’t have it both ways (also, they can walk on land. For the purposes of plot details).
I struggle to accept ‘zombies’ with just the line “they’re zombiefied; it makes them more obedient” when they are simply the worst zombies I have seen on the big screen. Big surly blokes with a little bit of make-up (but not enough to suggest frightening children) who cannot be killed? They can talk! They can fight! They’re not zombies! Even if the film was aiming more at the traditional African suggestion of what a zombie is, which I don’t credit them with imagination enough to do, then they shouldn’t have marketed the film in teaser trailers as ‘pirates vs. zombies’.
What really got my goat however was the ‘enhancement’ of Blackbeard - a historical figure don’t forget - with the single line “he also dabbles in black magic”. This single line allowed the character to:
- Control his ship -sails, rigging, the lot - through his sword, so that the ship itself became a weapon (I’m not even going to attack the fact that the ship has mounted flame-throwers).
- Be an expert in the art of voodoo as well as the zombie business. Obviously Blackbeard has been to Africa and come back with some utterly made up knowledge.
- Steal ships and imprison them inside bottles. Yes. No explanation for that one whatsoever.
I’m waffling now so I need to bring this to a close. Basically, I just didn’t care about the characters, especially the cringe-inducing romance between priest Edward Cullen and mermaid Bella. Sorry, I mean Philip and Serena, who seemed to have wandered into the film from a dreadful Mills and Boone fantasy.
I’m not a film snob. I mean, I can be - I could complain that this film is unoriginal, nonsensical, brings nothing worthwhile to the world at all - but the truth is that I am fine with films which fit this description, so long as they entertain me. On Stranger Tides had a couple of laughs in, one or two interesting moments (such as the mermaid scene) which were then quickly forgotten in a haze of dull action sequences and too many absurd, impossible and unexplained moments to ever allow me to enjoy it.
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6 Comments – Postiwch sylw
Stormer007
Rhoddwyd sylw 12 mis yn ôl - 23rd May 2011 - 22:59pm
You my dear friend worry far too much about the details. I thoroughly enjoyed every aspect of the film. I can understand your point(s) but I think some films are made to be enjoyed, not to be picked apart =)
neilramsden
Rhoddwyd sylw 12 mis yn ôl - 24th May 2011 - 09:01am
But you're talking to the person who loved Fast and Furious 5 :p it just comes down to enjoyment, some films are fun enough that you can overlook absurdity. This one wasn't sadly.
Jordan1993
Rhoddwyd sylw 12 mis yn ôl - 24th May 2011 - 10:04am
I was hoping the monkey was still in there i was disapointed when i found out it wouldnt be in the film
CeefaxOfLife
Rhoddwyd sylw 12 mis yn ôl - 24th May 2011 - 10:16am
Are you seriously suggesting that some films are exempt from criticism?
neilramsden
Rhoddwyd sylw 12 mis yn ôl - 24th May 2011 - 10:44am
Yeah the monkey was shoe-horned in just for a couple of 3D moments (I'm guessing, I saw it in 2D).
I think some films can have a lot of flaws, but the general charm or likeability of it can allow you to overlook them, and they do not prove a problem. All films have that to an extent, it's just whether the film as a whole can win you over. Some films have such a lack of enjoyment that the flaws become glaring and every impossible moment bugs you more
Mad-Monkey-Mike
Rhoddwyd sylw 10 mis yn ôl - 13th July 2011 - 13:49pm
the film was ok but it could have been more funny